the two ups ame floating bak and potter grabbed his as swiftly and elegantly as he always had with the snith maybe it was a testament of adulthood that drao ould finally admit that without grinding his teeth although he was still onvined the word ‘elegant’ had no pe anywhere near potter
drao wathed as he drank his offee pensively, his expresn turning more seus
“after the war—”
oh no
“—i didn’t really know what to do beoming an auror…it was something that seemed right at the time, you know, when everything was falling apart around me the thing is, everything kept falling apart, but there was no more war i had no idea how to deal with that” potter put down his up and from what drao ould see, he started wringing his hands in his p, his eyes fixed on the table “as soon as i started training, i realised i wasn’t going to be hy there but…i didn’t want to disoint anyone”
“disoint?” drao ehoed, furrowing his brows “as if you ould do anything to—”
“that’s exatly the point,” potter ied “people have this idea of me, this image they reated, based on what i did to defeat voldemort, when in reality…” potter pressed his lips together it looked painful “no matter what i do, it will always be a disoi it will never be good enough like, an you imagine what would hen if i started telling people i’m not beoming an auror anymore? the publi would go mad! and then there’s other people, like mgonagall” he let out a sigh “in fifth year, she vowed to do everything in her power to help me get that job, and she did what do you think she’s going to say if i told her all her efforts were for nothing? but…i just ouldn’t go on like that”
“so you’re basially lying to everybody?”
potter’s fae twisted and it took a moment before he slowly nodded
“do granger and weasley know about this?” drao asked
“they…they know i’m on sabbatial we talked about it a few times, and they were really uanding, but…”
“you’re worried you’ll disoint them, too?”
potter looked up, his fae paler than usual “it’s not like that with them i know they’ll support me no matter what i just—it’s so hard, expining it to them”
the following silene felt so pregnant with meaning, it was stifling potter, opening up like that, showing drao all his vulnerabilities…he had no idea how to proess that
“why are you telling me this?” he asked arefully
“you asked,” potter shrugged
“not really”
“look, drao, it’s not like i enjoy talking about these things, i just—the others…they don’t really get it i mean, we all lost people, so they uand the grief, but…i just felt lost after the war, and my friends…they didn’t really uand what it was like for me”
“oh?” was potter implying drao would uand? he didn’t know how he felt about that
“yeah,” potter murmured “they didn’t seem to have that muh trouble, finding their pe meanwhile, i’m still struggling every day to just…keep it together”
drao shifted in his seat this n felt too meaningful for potter to have it with him of all people but, even though he didn’t like it, he had to admit, he did get what potter was talking about
“it seems to me, an awfully big part of your life involves pleasing others” and boy did drao know what that was like even now, with his father in azkaban, he often aught himself w if he would rove of drao’s ans it always took a lot to remind himself he wasn’t supposed to are about that anymore
“yeah, i guess it is,” potter murmured “i an’t help it it’s always been that way”
“you died for fuk’s sake,” drao said, irritan fring up in him “you died to save all of our arses you don’t owe anybody anything if anything, the rest of the world owes you!”
judging from the look on potter’s fae, he hadn’t expeted drao to say something like that holy, drao hadn’t expeted himself to say something like that but it was true, wasn’t it? potter had saved bloody everyone and now he still felt like he had to do what people expeted of him?
drao sighed, dreading what he was about to say “you do realise it wouldn’t be selfish of you to live the life you want for yourself, right?”
potter’s eyes widened
“you’re not doing anybody any favours, being all tortured and broken up about it” as he reahed for his up, drao made sure his eyes didn’t leave potter’s it was harder than he had antiipated he was being a hyporite beause that was exatly what he was doing, but, arently, he was better at hiding it than potter but it wasn’t like he wasn’t w on it he was trying to be better it just took time arently
“i…i haven’t thought of it that way,” potter said, astonishment written all over his fae
“well, as my mother always says, you an’t make other people hy if you aren’t truly hy yourself”
potter looked like he wanted to say something, but he stayed silent and simply nodded drao inwardly snorted how had this turned into a mind healing sesn? it was utterly absurd
“are you hy?” potter suddenly asked drao’s mouth dropped open involuntarily his instints told him to reply with something snarky but…after potter’s hoy, baring his iies, it just didn’t feel right
“i don’t know,” drao sighed “i think i’m hier than i was right after the war”
he didn’t want to get into too many details just beause potter felt omfortable sharing his serets with drao, didn’t mean he had to do the same
“you ever think about getting a job?” potter asked
drao snorted “as if anyone would employ me”
“i don’t think it’s like that anymore”
drao shrugged “be that as it may, i an’t really see myself w for someone i have my family’s iane, whih is about the only thing the ministry didn’t t
